Unfortunately, my brain didnt want to go to sleep just yet. I'm wide awake even though my lights are off.
A few minutes ago, I was wondering. Did he, the one who should remain nameless, ever read this blog? If yes, did he realize it was about him? If yes, was he disappointed? angry? sad? happy? excited? I will never know. Will I? And after I know it, and lets say he was angry, should I delete the whole thing, although it's my feelings? Or if he was happy, should I keep making those posts, so he could be happy all the time, because I love him and want him to be happy? What if he doesnt care? What if he does care? Too many questions are swimming inside my head.
To be honest, I'm scared. I'm scared that God will give me an opportunity to meet him as fans and celebrity. I will not be ready. I'm going to look pretty darn stupid. I'm scared and I'm not ready.
If you're reading this blog and realize it's for you, well- how are you? Is everything okay? Are you happy? Am I bothering you?- See too many questions, again.
I know, this is a boring subject for some people, maybe they'll say 'Get over it already.' or 'please, you're overreacting.' or 'just forget him already' or maybe even, 'stupid girl.' well, I dont expect to you to read, or understand this, or help me (although I'll really appriciate your help). But, this is what's going on inside my mind.
"Love is the closest thing to magic." Is it true? Sometimes I believe it is.
Love is such a confusing thing to think about. It's crazy to think why I even love him. I cant even put it down to words. He might not believe it. People might not believe it. But, really, I'm not the one who feel and deal with all of this, you cant just say 'you're exaggerating' or 'it's not love. You' dont really love him' when I know exactly what I'm feeling. I never lie to myself.
Another question comes in my mind:
Do you believe in dreams comes true?
I do. But it doesnt come from a fairy god mother who saves you when your step sisters ruin your dress and ruin your chance to meet your 'prince charming.' or a wishing well full with pennys. But from God. Anything God wants to happen, happen. It's easy as one, two, three, for God to make things happen. Even if he wants to end the world right now, he can. So, why give up? Even if there's no wishing well, or there's no falling stars, or fairy godmother, the magic of God still exists, right? That's why I dare to dream big and keep believing in it. And I think you should too.
I really can't believe I just write all of this at 1:59 am.
