I'm going to leave in about 6 months, it's a long time, but, for me it's fast. On my home today, i thought about the things i've been blessed with here in this town, with my family and my friends. I quickly became afraid of the future, although I believe god knows my limit.
i came to think that the scarier part to do is not leaving, it's actually seeing what stays here.
i'm afraid that i'm not going to be strong enough to leave, although i've promised myself i will. I'm afraid that although I'm the one whos leaving, but I'm going to be the one whos get left behind.
it's not them that's going to see me in the airport, it's me that's going to see them left my house. the harder i try to make the best of my times here in jakarta, the harder it gets to leave. the harder i try to ignore the fact that i am leaving, the clearer i see the things i'm going to miss. the family, the friends, the laughter, the argues, the love.
i understand that when i go, i cant just go back home whenever i want to. i'm afraid that if (i hope not) one of my family members 'leaves' us, i cannot be there. or, if something happens to my friends, i cant be there for them, i havent even move and i'm cant be there for my friends, like i used to.
i'm just going to leave all of that to god, i'm sure god knows what i really need and want, i'm sure god will not gave me something i couldnt handle, and i'm sure god love me.
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